Sorry for the lack of activity lately.  Between Ellie’s new habit of not sleeping and then being grumpy about it and all the preparations for flying home for our holiday, things keep slipping my mind.  There’s a lot I want to post up but for now, I’ll just hold off until we get back to California.

Yes, we leave for the states today and it’ll be quite an adventure since we’ve never flown with an infant.  Let’s hope that things go smoothly during the flight….More when we actually make it home…

I had wanted to share the post labor story since it’s different how they handle it here in Tokyo than in the US.  Sorry it took so long to get it out.

So….in Japan, almost all hospitals let you stay for a week after you give birth.  I think a lot of it has to do with preparing you for motherhood as well as letting you rest and recover from the birthing experience.  Plus they can do all the checkups and whatnots with the baby.  In theory, that’s a great idea since you can rest and enjoy your baby with the nurses helping you before you have to go home…..but for me, it wasn’t all that sunshine and flowers.

We opted to have E room with us the entire time we were in the hospital.  Let me just say that it was a very big mistake.  I love E and I love how we got to spend all that time together with her BUT she cried the ENTIRE time she was with us….and we had very little to no sleep. The only relief we got was in the mornings when they took her for her baby checkup.  In fact, we can hear her cry all the way from the nursery the entire time they had her.  She was truly a very fussy baby.

Thinking back, a lot of it had to do with the fact that she was hungry most of the time.  I had trouble getting my milk in and trouble latching on when the nurses were not there to help.  In the end, we gave in and allowed the hospital to give her formula just to help out.  I do have to say though, breastfeeding was a pain during that time.  I had so much trouble and my nipples were sore, blistered and bleeding that I’m surprised I made it through all that.  I’m just glad that it’s no longer an issue and that E is happily feeding from me these days.

During the week I was in the hospital, I had a lot of help.  The nurses were, for the most part, very kind and understanding and would let us do things the way we wanted to do it.  One nurse really enjoyed coming in just to chat with me about California since she had lived there for a year when she was in school.

One thing that happened during out stay that put me to tears was that E had developed Jaundice.  She had a little when she was born but by the 5th day, her weight had dropped significantly and the level of bilirubin had risen to a significant amount.  The doctor told me that they had to give her blue light treatment in order to get rid of it.  In order for that to happen, they had to take her away for 24 hours.

I was in tears when they told me that.  Now that I think back to it, it was silly of me since jaundice is normal but you have to remember, I just went through a rather traumatic birthing experience, had very little sleep the past few days and without any real explanation about what had happened, is now being told that my baby is getting taken away from me.  Plus, I was feeling really guilty about the whole thing since I thought that my inability to feed her properly was the reason she developed jaundice.  The doctor didn’t really reassure me too much on that point either since she said that they have to give her more formula to get rid of the bilirubin, which to me implied that I was starving my own child so they have to intervene by giving her more formula.

I still remember them telling me that it’s ok to go visit her while she’s chillin in the blue light.  In fact, an hour or so after they took her, I went to sit by her side as she took in the blue rays.  I could tell the nurses weren’t too happy that I was just sitting there watching her but I didn’t think much of it.  I was so torn up inside that I just sat there and cried while apologizing to E for what is happening to her.  I actually should’ve taken a picture of her in the box so I can look back at it and see how far she’s come but taking photos of her at that moment was the last thing on my mind.

The nurses eventually made me get up and go back to my room where I just sat there and waited for Jason to come back.  Honestly, at that moment, I was ready to leave the hospital and go home with E.  Having spent 5 days in the hospital without being allowed to leave was pretty depressing as well as claustrophobic.  The weather outside my window didn’t help either since it was gloomy and rainy the entire time.

I was actually really depressed.  The lack of E and Jason’s presence in my hospital room was too overwhelming for me.  It didn’t matter that my room was like a hotel room or that the food they brought in was delicious, I just wanted to run away from that hospital and never return.  I felt like a prisoner.

Later that day, Jason and I went to check on E again but this time, a nurse “scolded” us about coming in to visit her.  I was angry that they wouldn’t let me see my baby but I couldn’t do anything about it so we returned to my room.

I was really happy the next day when they told me that E’s bilirubin level has gone down tremendously and that we could take her home that day.  It was a big relief since we were told the night before that there was a possibility that I would have to go home without her if the treatment didn’t work.

Jason had to go in to work that day so I called him and told him that we were allowed to be discharged from the hospital.  He came over immediately and freed both me and E from captivity.

I still remember leaving the hospital and the weather outside was nice and cool with the sun shining warming on us.  It felt wonderful being outside and with E.  Coming home with her was also a very strange sensation.

I still remember how I felt when I stepped foot into our apartment with E.  Everything was still the same.  The dishes and the furniture and everything was still in the same place it was in when we left for the hospital.  Everything remained untouched as if time stood still.  It was a really strange feeling to be coming home with a new family member and at the same time terrifying.

Jason went back to work and left me alone with E for the first time and I remember how I panicked when she began to cry.  Ah, how silly I was back then.  We’ve come a long way, me, Jason and E.  It took a while but we’ve made it so far….and all on our own!

I just hope things continue to get better with time :)

Living in Japan, we’re bound to experience a few tremors here and there. Tonight, we had a semi big one. It’s Ellie’s first earthquake experience.

How do I define semi-big, you ask? When the tremors last more than 10 seconds and it is shaking hard enough that the sliding doors are banging together and making loud noises.  Besides, according to the Japan Meteorological Agency, it was a 6.9 magnitude earthquake out in the ocean just south of Tokyo.

We had one tiny one when I was still pregnant and it just made the sliding doors shake a little but nothing major. Tonight, the shaking actually got harder after the first few seconds. My first thought was to go and protect Ellie.

Of course the doors banging together woke her up but there’s nothing Jason can’t fix :)

Whew, I’m glad it wasn’t as big as I thought….it’s a bit scary now since we have E to protect too.

*Warning: the word boob appears quite frequently*

I’m starting to feel tired of breastfeeding.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to breastfeed E. I’ve put so much effort into it when I first began and I’ve been through hell just to get it to work that I’m very determined to breastfeed her for as long as I can.

But breastfeeding is starting to wear me out.

Ever since my parents came to visit and then left, E has been acting unlike herself. She is more clingy to me and has slight stranger anxiety. She tends to cry or fuss when Jason holds her or when he attempts to spend time with her. She is constantly on the boob….

She gets bored and fussy, she reaches for the boob. She is tired and wants to sleep, she reaches for the boob. She is just chillin with me as we watch tv and she reaches for the boob. She is asleep in the bed with us and she reaches out and looks for the boob….IN HER SLEEP! She is always going for the boob and frankly, the boob is getting tired.

One of her latest change in behavior has her refusing to go to bed at nights without the boob to put her to sleep. Before my parents came, she would have no problem falling asleep and getting put down in her crib. After my parents left, she started having issues with the bedtime routine and would refuse to stay down for more than an hour unless the boob is in her mouth.

Maybe it’s just a coincidence or my parent’s visit broke her….either way, she has been difficult.

Tonight, after struggling for a long time to put her down, I gave her some boob and when she was done, we used one of the bottles my sister sent us and gave her a small amount of formula to top her tummy off. She struggled at the taste of the fake boob but eventually took it. She didn’t drink much….maybe half of the formula we made but it was enough to help keep her down…so far.

My boobies are tired but I must persevere! Just a little longer until I can start her on solids…..then we can slowly wean her off the boob. Let’s hope we can hang on until then….

I’ve been sidetracked a tad lately. I joined swap-bots.com and have been busy playing with it lately. The idea is that you make something and then you send them to random people and get things from other random people in return. Pretty fun idea if you ask me.

Anyway, I was playing around with Google’s suggestion thingy. I’ve read about how you can type in “[your name] needs” and you’ll get a list of suggestions. I tried that with my name but I didn’t get anything other than “to” and “a” so I just clicked “to” just to see what I get.

This is my result:

In case it’s too small to read, here is the first link zoomed in:

Isn’t that funny?  Talk about a coincidence!