These past 2 weeks have been rough for us.  A lot of that revolved around E and her current temperament.

First, we’ve been working on sleep training her.  It’s been hard since she’s use to sleeping in our bed with us most of the night and moving her to her crib has not been an easy one.  She also does not self-soothe well.  E is use to sucking to sleep and not with a pacifier.  Well, I am her pacifier which does not work for me since I technically don’t get any sleep when she is sucking on me.

We’ve tried pretty much all the tricks that the experts say would work.  Bedtime routine, earlier bedtime, daytime naps, just name it, we’ve tried it.  Nothing works.  We’ve even resorted to letting her cry it out but that hasn’t been that great either.  Sometimes we’re lucky and she would sleep a good 4-5 hours before waking up and having to move to our bed….but that works 50-50.

Of course, a big part of the problem is that she is teething.  Teething pain probably plays a big part in her not being able to stay asleep or want to sleep.  She cut her first tooth earlier this month.  It’s not completely out yet but it’s getting there.  From the look of things, the 2nd one is showing signs of appearing soon.  We’re not really liking this whole teething thing by the way.  It’s a pain because it makes E a very fussy and unhappy baby.

Another part of this whole frustrating event is that she has discovered the joys of pulling herself into a standing position.  Yup, she loves to stand inside her own crib….all the time.  So putting her down in her crib not only makes her fuss and cry but she eventually pulls herself up to a standing position and cries while standing up.  While we can try to let her cry it out a little, she will stay standing and crying until someone comes to put her back down again…and then the cycle begins again.

Also, she is suffering from separation anxiety really, really badly.  The minute I show any signs of being apart from her, whether to use the bathroom or just to sit down next to her, she starts bawling and crying like I’m abandoning her in the wild to fend for herself.  Just seeing my presence in the room makes her cry and she would then proceed to jump through hoops and climb obstacles just to cling to me again.  At least Jason is working on spending more time with her so that she can shift some of that anxiety onto him.

Oh, the frustrations!

She’s almost 9 months now and just as we were starting to have somewhat of a normal routine, all of this happens.

The worst part is that she tends to be really grumpy during the daytime too so a large part of my day is spent with a crying, grumpy Ellie. Oh, where has my happy, smiley Ellie gone?

I just really hope this phase will be over soon….

Recently I signed up for an online blogging class.  It’s not so much that I need to learn how to blog since I’ve been doing it for a long time now (6 years maybe?).  I did it to help stimulate my thoughts and to get me to blog more often since I have a tendency to go days and weeks without a single post.

I’m about 2 weeks behind on the prompts that were given and since it’s a self paced class, I figure I can just catch up on those on some other days….

Anyway, today’s prompt is about looking back in time to a year ago or more and comparing how much our lives have changed.  For me that’s a simple one.

A year ago around this time, I was about 5 months pregnant.

I was experiencing the best times of my pregnancy since I was showing more but still comfortable to move around, sleep and do normal, everyday things. Yes, I actually slept well back then…

It was also before I knew I was having a girl and the realities of being a parent hadn’t hit me as hard yet.  I was still having happy dreams about having the perfect child and being this perfect mom who did everything perfectly.  What can I say…I was blissfully ignorant about the realities of having a baby.

And now….

The baby that was growing in my belly is a healthy, cheerful (though fussy), 8-month-old little girl who loves to put everything in her mouth and has the smile and laughter that makes even the coldest heart melt.

Sure, nothing about parenthood is like what I had imagined a year ago and there are days where it’s really tough dealing with E but I don’t regret any part of it.

Our lives have completely changed.  I no longer sleep well and the freedom I once had to do as I please is harder to obtain.  Every decision that Jason and I make these days have to take E into account and we’ve had to give up on many of our favorite activities because they weren’t suitable for her.

There are still days I wish that she was much easier to work with but her stubbornness and her temperament is what makes her special.  If anything else, I think she is a great reflection of Jason and me but with a much cuter and brighter smile.  Looking back to this past year, I would have to say that I’ve done well and I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything else.

Ever since I had E, I pretty much devote my days to just taking care of her.  It’s getting easier to care for her these days since she is more interactive, though that causes problems when trying to put her down for a nap or sleep but that’s another story.

Caring for E is fun but there are times when I really need to make something with all that pent up creativity.  Sure, I can just sing “Row, row, row, your boat” and “Heads, shoulders, knees and toes” all day long but that’s not enough to make me feel useful and productive (and sometimes sane).

So I’ve been making things during my “off” times.

There was a period of time where I crocheted a lot of things.  It got a little hard to do when my hands started hurting from the repetitive motion that is required from crocheting.  I also did a little knitting too but I’m not as good at it so that didn’t stick for very long.

Then I moved on to “swapping.”  Swapping is when you join in a group for a particular topic and then you get assigned a random partner and someone is assigned to you and then you send each other mail (real postage mail, not the electronic kind).  Swapping ranged from all sorts of things which depended on which swap you joined in on.

I mainly did 2 types:  Postcards and ATC (which stands for artist trading cards).  For a while, I was really invested in making ATC’s.  ATC’s are essentially mini artworks that you make on a 2.5 in by 3.5 in card.  Since I love to draw and make art, it was quite a challenge and I made quite a few really good ones that I traded.  I spent a lot of my free time making these but in return, I received some poorly made ones that looked like they were just slapped together at the last minute and were falling apart.  After a few more of this type, I became discouraged from joining any more of these types of swaps.

I then joined some smaller photography swaps but after being flaked on (when my partner decides not to send out what they promise to send out) I became quite discouraged from swapping and decided to take a break from it.  I made a few good friends through the swaps though so it wasn’t a total loss.

I still swap postcards.  In fact, I love sending and receiving postcards from all over the world.  It’s really an amazing project!

Recently, I decided I wanted to try scrapbooking.  I’ve always wanted to try scrapbooking because I wanted to make something to document E’s growth.  Sure, I put a lot of things on this blog but there is something nice to a layout design with a few chosen photos that a blog can’t emulate.

So here are 2 digital scrapbook pages I made of E.

It was actually quite fun making them.  It’s also a little time consuming since I have to sift through thousands of photos of E since her birth, edit them in photoshop and then coordinate a page that works together.  But it’s a great way to document these little moments of her life.

Right now, I’m getting ready to put together a daily December journal/scrapbook for her first Christmas holiday.  Hopefully that will turn out well.  I’m actually getting really excited about it since I plan to make this Christmas as close to a real typical Christmas holiday in our home.

Jason and I aren’t really big on celebrating anything but I want to create some sort of tradition for her so that she has something to look forward to every year.  Plus I want to give her a childhood filled with good holiday memories and not one where we never do anything special for any holiday.

I may not be winning mother-of-the-year award anytime soon but I want to at least make sure that I can give E happy memories of her childhood even though she is still too young to comprehend a lot of things.  For me, the first step would be to celebrate holidays and make them special for her and document every single moment :)

Last Thursday, I had the pleasure of attending a farewell lecture given by a professor whom I respect and look up to.  I really owe her a lot since she inspired me to do so much more than I would have ever though I could do.  She also helped open many doors for me in Japan, including introducing me and Jason to our good friends Karen and Koichi and several other people in architecture.

Here is Jason, Ellie and me with Professor Geeta Mehta.

Earlier this year, she and her husband, who just recently retired, moved back to New York after living here for over 20 years.  She now teaches at Columbia (on top of all the charity work and other activities she is involved in).

Ellie, being just like her dad when he was younger, fell asleep at the beginning of the lecture and stayed asleep throughout the hour.

It was a good thing that she fell asleep because I got the chance to sit through the lecture and pay attention to it the entire time without having to tend to her.

It felt so good being in a lecture environment again.  Just being able to listen to Professor Mehta talk about Architecture in Japan and raise questions about the sustainability of architecture….it was very invigorating.  I felt something I hadn’t felt since becoming pregnant and having Ellie.  I felt my passion for architecture and for art coming to life again and it felt good.

For that hour, my mind was racing with ideas and thoughts of my dream home and how I would incorporate the new things I’ve learned from being a mother into the design.  For that one hour, I was just another student, sitting in a lecture and being overwhelmed by all the ideas and questions that were being presented to me.

Then the lecture ended and I went to check on Jason and Ellie, who were sitting outside the lecture room since it was quieter.

As I sat there watching Ellie sleep while the Q&A portion of the lecture was going on inside, I realized that my life is quite different from how it use to be.  As much as I missed the past, I love my present a lot too.

Sure, I’m trading my academic life and my passions for simpler things like mommy and me classes and walks in the park but it’s that’s only a temporary thing.  Once Ellie is older and we send her to daycare, I can relive all those again.  Right now, time with Ellie is most important to me because unlike my academic life, I can’t relive her childhood.  She’s growing up so fast these days that it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to just hold on to those precious moments when she would just sit there and smile that toothless smile at me for no apparent reason.

I’m lucky.  I still get a few more months with her before I have to go back to reality.  I’ve got to make the best of the time we have now even when she drives me crazy with her clingyness.

Today, Jason, Ellie and I went to festival held at the International School of Sacred Heart over in Hiroo.  We actually found out about it from Jason’s boss.

The festival itself was pretty similar to TIS’s Cherry blossom festival that’s held in April.  There were lots of international food booths as well as activities and performances.  One noticeable difference is that there are more booze being sold.

You have your hard liquor here.

And you can’t forget the kegs of beer here!

The campus of the school is huge!  Of course it also houses the university and I think the high school so it makes sense that it’s such a large campus.

Just like the Cherry blossom festival, they got lucky with the weather since it was raining pretty hard earlier that day.  By the time we went, the sun was out and though it was a tad chilly, the weather stayed nice.

Because we got there during lunchtime, we decided to have lunch there.  Of all the places, Chinese food sounded good so we got some Chinese food.

The scallion pancake could have been better but the radish cakes were the best!  I haven’t had anything this authentic in Japan in a while!  The noodles were not too bad but the taste of the radish cakes beats it.

Ellie was a little out of it so she didn’t fuss too much when we didn’t feed her any of this.  Plus I don’t think she was that interested in the food.

Now, the best part of the festival was the booth with the cupcakes.  Technically there were several booths with cupcakes but the American booth had cupcakes that were only 1 ticket each (equivalent to 100 yen each) whereas the other booths were selling them for 2 tickets.  For 1 ticket a cupcake, it was just too good to pass up.

So Jason and I each got a cupcake.

THEY WERE THE BEST CUPCAKES WE’VE HAD IN A LONG TIME!!!  (well, not counting the ones from my sister’s wedding but her’s tasted different in a good way)

The frosting tasted just like the ones we use to eat growing up.  You know the ones that came premade in those containers?  The ones that are so high in sugary goodness?  Both Jason and I were reliving our childhood days while eating these cupcakes because they tasted just like we remembered.

They were so good that we went back and got another cupcake each :)

And just because I can, I had to taunt E with my cupcakes.

Ah, aren’t I just a great candidate for mother-of-the-year?

Today, I took E to the local play area that’s operated by the ward.  It’s actually a nice service that they offer families for free since they provide toys and lots of play areas for kids who need to run around an indoor space.  It’s not a daycare center since a parent or guardian has to be present at all times but it’s still a nice place to take kids to.  I take E there whenever it seems like she needs more space to release some of her energy and our apartment is just too small for her to do that.

There were 4 other moms there when we went.  Their kids were a little bit older than E, probably in the 1.5-2 year old range, and one other baby.

As soon as I put E down in an unoccupied area, she found herself a toy that kept her occupied for a while.  She was actually having a blast chewing on the fake mobile phone.  I’m sure they keep their toys pretty clean there but to be on the safe side, I went over to the cubby hole area to get a wet cloth from my bag to wipe down the toy.

I kept an eye on E the entire time since she has been very clingy to me lately and I was afraid she will burst out in hysteria when she noticed that I wasn’t near her.  As soon as I got the cloth from my bag, I started heading back to E when this 2 year old girl ran up to E and grabbed the toy out of her hands.  Not knowing what to say in Japanese to that little girl, I ran back to E to make sure she was ok as that little girl darted off with the toy.

I was appalled at what had just happened!  If I was with E, that little punk would never have gotten close to E.  E was a bit shocked over what had just happened to her but she found another toy nearby and carried on as if nothing happened.

I looked around the room for that punk kid and saw her telling her mom that Ellie was chewing on the toy and that it’s all covered in saliva.  Her mom, who was talking on the cellphone, said “daijoubu da yo” or “it’s ok” and then went back to ignoring the girl.  Then that little girl threw aside the toy and proceeded to take the toys from the other kids in the room, making them all wail and scream in protest.

E and I watched as this little girl terrorized everyone else in there and I was just surprised that her mom never really did anything to stop her.  She finally got off her phone at one point when her daughter was crying hysterically because another kid won’t let go of his toy and she apologized to that kid’s mom for the disturbance that her daughter caused.

I must admit, this whole experience is a sudden departure from what I’m use to.  Pretty much all the playgroups and other play areas I’ve taken E to up until today have been predominantly with the foreign community.  Every time E or another child got a little mean with each other, the mom would interfere pretty quickly.  This is the first time that interference didn’t happen for a while.

This could just have been a rare occurrence but from now on, I will have to be on guard when I take her to the play center again.

E is more mobile these days and once she starts going to daycare and school, the worry will only increase.  This whole parenting thing really does increase one’s paranoia about the world….

On the bright side of things, here’s E standing!  She’s been pulling herself up a lot more these days and is a lot more steady when standing with the help of something.