3 weeks home really went by quickly.

At first, it felt a little long since I was feeling a bit lonely and homesick without Jason by my side. It was the first time we were separated for so long since we got engaged. Once E and I began to settle in with the change in environment, things got better. Time went by even faster once Jason joined us in LA.

Before you knew it, our 3 week trip had come and gone and we were packing to head back to Tokyo.

As with every trip back home to visit family, I feel a bit sad that we are once again heading back to Tokyo especially since we’ve gotten a hang of things here.

I actually enjoyed being home and watching E interact with her new surroundings and with family. I know that she will miss all the space for her to run around in and she will most likely miss all the family that she has grown familiar with.

We have to go back to Tokyo, though. Our lives are there and we need to go back to it. I’ve played with the idea of moving back to the US but with the way things are in the economy, it’s not an option we can take right now.

For now, the only thing we can do is continue keeping in touch with friends and family and coming home to visit often…

Exactly one year ago, at 3:13pm Tokyo time, our lives changed forever.

Our once quiet and simple world was turned upsidedown with the arrival of a 6 lb 1oz bundle of madness.

It’s hard to believe how a year has gone by so quickly, especially when it felt so slow in the beginning. Both Jason and I had a rough start getting use to our new little addition but over time, things got easier and we grew to love her more and more each day.

This has been quite a year for all of us and it was quite an experience raising E and watching her grow from an immobile newborn to an active toddler. She learned a lot of new skills this past year and Jason and I learned a lot about being parents as well as being a family.

If you had asked me a year ago what I felt about having another baby and about my thoughts on how things will be a year later, I would have told you that I’m done with having kids. I would probably be very sleep deprived and depressed and so I would have told you that I wasn’t sure things will ever get better. Now, I can honestly say that I am ready to do it all again and I look forward to the many more years of teaching E about life because it gets better and better each day.

We love you very much, dear E!

Happy 1st birthday, babe!

Recently, I read this incredible list that was put together by Jen over at Buried with Children. The original source of the list idea was from another blog, Life with Triplets.

Anyway, Jen’s list pretty much hit everything on the dot but with a very humorous side to it. It also got me thinking about the 10 things that I’ve learned over this past year about motherhood that I never knew or had imagined before.

So here is my list of 10 things I never knew until I became a mom (it’s a pretty lengthy read):

1) Cleaning dirty diapers isn’t as bad as I had imagined. My mom has a total gag reflex when it comes to poopy diapers which in turn made me think that I would be the same way. I was prepared to be incredibly grossed out by it and didn’t even want to change E’s dirty diapers the first few weeks. It’s actually not that bad once you get over the fact that it’s just poo. Actually, once you’ve experienced cleaning up an explosive one all by yourself, nothing really fazes you anymore.

2) Toys are nice but time with mommy and daddy is even better. I admit, I am not always the most attentive parent. Neither is Jason. There are times when I let E play on her own for a while so I can get things done and when she cries, I just toss her a new toy to distract her. I buy toys for her because I think that it would make her happier and that she’d want to play on her own more. Then one day, I realized that she doesn’t want more toys. She wants ME. She’d much rather have me play with her than to have all these fancy toys. So these days, I make time for E and we tickle and we giggle and we play dramatic peek-a-boos and we dance.

3) Breastfeeding is not easy. When I was still pregnant, I took a workshop on breastfeeding. I read books about breastfeeding. I was really excited about doing the whole breastfeeding thing because it looked really easy. Seriously, I saw videos of kangaroo care and skin-to-skin right after birth and everything I read and watched made breastfeeding look like a breeze. Then I gave birth and I tried breastfeeding. IT HURT LIKE HECK! I couldn’t get E to latch on properly which then led to her not getting enough food which then led to her being more jaundiced and it all ended with me becoming an emotional wreck because I wasn’t feeding my baby enough. It took a very long time and many weeks of sore, blistered nipples before it finally caught on. Plus, I was really depressed that breastfeeding wasn’t working and I was desperate and unhappy….both things that wasted a lot of precious time I could have spent with E. I really had to convince myself it was for E’s best interest that I hang in there. I’m glad I did but if I have another baby, I’m not going to beat myself up this time if breastfeeding doesn’t work out.

4) Co-sleeping is a blessing and a curse. When we first found out we were having E, Jason and I were pretty sure we weren’t going to do the whole co-sleeping thing because we were both afraid we’d crush E. After she was born, it was just easier to have her in bed with us since she woke up so often to feed. At first it wasn’t too bad because we gave her most of the bed to sleep in. Plus, if she woke up hungry at night, all she had to do was find me and stick the boob in her mouth and she was quiet again. Then she discovered that if she slept with boobie in her mouth all night, she’d get food whenever she wanted. That made it impossible for me to sleep. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and so we decided to make her sleep in her own crib. Yea, that was another fun experience I’d never want to do again.

5) I clean my baby’s face in public the way my mom use to clean mine. Let’s admit it, we all hated it when our mom’s cleaned our faces when we were in public. My mom did it to us when we were in church and it was embarrassing and very annoying. I use to swear that I would never do that to my children because I wouldn’t want to annoy them too. Plus, it was gross because instead of water, my mom would most likely use her own saliva. I’m not that bad, 99% of the time. I carry baby wipes with me at all times and I use that to wipe E’s face because that kid can get all sorts of weird gunk on her face and hands. She hates it when I do it and complains quite vocally as she squirms away from me…..just like how I use to do it to my mom.

6) I miss those days when my baby was still a baby and not a toddler. When E was a tiny baby and I had to hold her all day long, I wished that she was more mobile so that I can leave her on her own more. I wished that she would grow up faster so that Jason would find it fun to play with her and that she can interact with us more. Now that she is mobile and can sort of communicate with us in baby language, I wish that she was back to being that immobile little baby. Life was so much simpler back then when she didn’t squirm around during diaper changes. It’s nice that she can crawl and walk but it was also nice when she could only move in the space that we put her down in. Yes, those were the days…..

7) I actually want to have another baby. Oh, this one will tickle Jason so much. We’ve talked about it many times. I think I’ve always wanted to have 2 kids. Then I had E and in the first few months of her life, I was in such a haze from sleep deprivation that Jason and I both agree that it’s best that we never procreate ever again. Now, a year later, I am starting to have a change of heart. I love E and despite the fact that she was a high maintenance baby, I really enjoyed those times when she’d sleep in my arms and we’d chill together and gossip about things. I still do that with her sometimes but it’s not the same since her attention span is all over the place. This then makes me want to have another baby so I can do it all again….to be able to hold a teeny tiny person in my arms and to be his/her everything again. Oh, I can feel my uterus crying already….

8) Being a mom is a highly under-appreciated “job”. My mom and I have an odd relationship. I’m not sure how to define it and I don’t really want to do it right now. One thing for sure is that I’ve never really understood the hardships that she went through raising us. I use to never understand why she wanted us to help her out with chores and why she can’t do it all because she is “mom”…she should be able to do it all. Then I had E and I understood. I finally understood how much work it must have been for my mom (and my dad) to raise us. It’s not easy…AND they had 3 kids. There’s no such thing as sick days or vacation time when you’re a mom. It’s a full-on, 24 hour job and you can’t really take a break (well you sort of can if you have babysitters). No matter what happens, at the end of the day, the job of “mom” is still there. Once you become “mom”, you can’t undo it until the day you pass on to the next life. You can’t change that job like you do with regular work. Plus, you don’t get any overtime or health insurance….but you do get a lot of smiles and hugs and hopefully kids who will care for you when you’re old. Oh, and mom, thank you for being my mom all these years.

9) I never knew that I can love a little person so much. I’m not a baby person. Ask anyone in my family and they will all tell you that I’m not a baby person. In fact, I was hesitant about having E when I first found out I was pregnant. I was worried about losing the lifestyle that I had grown accustomed to. Plus, the thought of having to clean and care for someone other than me and Jason didn’t sound that fun. Then I gave birth and the moment I held her in my arms, I just knew that I loved her and that love continues to grow everyday. These days, the thought of losing her and not having her in my life tears me up inside. I’m pretty sure that I would fall to pieces if she is taken away from me. It’s hard to say these days who I love more: Jason or E. It’s a pretty close race. I love them both differently and very strongly. One thing for sure is that I don’t think I can live without either of them.

10) I actually enjoy being a mom. This one is a big one for me. I’ve already mentioned how I’m not a baby person. Before E, I actually played with the idea of never having kids because Jason and I just didn’t want to go through the hassle of raising one. My feelings have completely changed these days. I love E so much it’s crazy. I can’t even remember what life was like before we had her. Everything that had happened in my life before E came into our lives is insignificant (well almost….I still love you, Jason!) because I love being her mom and I love being with her all the time. Probably why it’s hard for me to imagine having to put her into daycare and going back to school and work.

So there you have it! My list of 10 things I didn’t know until I became a mom….and the lengthy comment for each one.

How about you? What is your top 10?

Are my eyes playing tricks on me or is that a toddler you see?

Wha….who….HOW….WHEN?!

With just one more month left before she officially turns one, Ellie is looking and acting more and more like a toddler. My little baby who, not too long ago, couldn’t even sit up on her own or crawl is now a cruising/walking little person who can feed herself bread.

It really feels like she just grew up overnight.

There are days I feel like time couldn’t move any slower and I wish she could do more on her own. Then there are days where I’d watch her as she independently plays on the floor and I wish, just for a moment, that she’d stay just the way she is and never grow up.

I’ve been told that the first year of a baby’s life goes by really quickly and that they change and they grow so much in that first year. They cannot be any more right about that. I spent every waking moment with E so the change is very subtle but now, even I can’t deny the fact that she has grown tremendously.

I can’t believe that we survived each other for a whole year. There will be many more years of interesting moments and experiences as she continues to grow up. I’m not quite sure I’m ready for those yet…

I’m going to miss her being a baby…

I know I don’t have many people read my blog other than my family (hi, mom, dad, meems, Nicole and auntie Mary) and a few friends (hi Jen and Angel!) but I figure there’s no harm in sharing this with you.

Growing up, my dad has always taught us to be generous and to help those less fortunate than us.  It’s one of those lessons that’s stuck with me all my life and probably why I have no problem with donating to charity even when I’m tight on cash myself.

No, I’m not going to talk about helping Haiti by donating to all the relief agencies out there (though if you haven’t, it doesn’t hurt to go check it out and help out a little bit.  I know I did.)  This time, I’m talking about March of Dimes.  It’s a non profit organization that focuses on and brings awareness to the prevention of premature births and preventing birth defects and baby mortality.  You can read more about them at their website: www.marchofdimes.com.

Of course, ever since E was born, my heart grew very soft for charities and organizations that work on improving the lives of children and the March of Dimes is no exception.

They are an important organization for me because I referenced it a lot during my 3rd trimester when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and anemia, both rather scary things to have when pregnant since it is potentially life threatening if not monitored.  Without the information that was provided on their website, I wouldn’t have been as informed about my own condition and about the risks I was putting us in by not having an induced labor.

So why am I bringing it up now?

It’s because Lori and her husband, Aaron, over at I Can Grow People, will be participating in the walk that is being held by their local chapter of March of Dimes.  Also because they went through a lot when their son, Porter, was born prematurely and she has been a strong advocate for bringing awareness to premature births through her blog.  Plus, her blog has helped me deal with E and my own experience as a first time mother.  Mostly it’s because I admire the courage and strength that they have with raising their son despite some of the bumps they’ve encountered after he was born.

I donated a little bit to their cause and if you are interested, you can also help them meet their goal also by donating at their team site.  They are doing this for Porter and I donated for E and for my nephew, Z’s sake.  If you’d rather donate directly to March of Dimes, you can do so by going to their website and look for the donate button.

Even if you don’t feel like donating (and since I probably just have 2 people who read this blog, this probably will be the case), please go check out Lori’s blog and read about her life as a mom to Porter.

Oh and speaking of blogs, another one of my favorite blogs that I read on a regular basis, Confessions of a Young Married Couple, is up for blog of the year award at the Bloggies 2010 awards.  Now, I don’t normally care for these types of things much but I really do love their blog and their take on parenthood so even if you don’t want to go and vote, you should really go read their blog.  I know I turned meems into a fan and I’m sure you’ll love reading about their son, the Bean.

Actually, you should just go check out who’s nominated for the Bloggies because I did and I found several new blogs that I absolutely fell in love with and will be following on Google reader from now on.

J.

2010…

Another decade has passed us by once more.  So far, January has been quite busy for all of us.

Jason’s working on middle shift which means he sleeps in an hour or two and gets to come home for dinner and quality time with me and E. With E being so mobile these days, it’s more fun for Jason to interact with her.

Ellie’s been quite active this month.  She’s heading towards toddler-hood and at quite a fast pace too.  Over the holiday season, she went from a baby that did a slow, jerky crawling movement to one that constantly needs to be chased.  She cruises a lot now and she is fast!  (and I don’t mean cruising as in the boats but as the walking-with-assistance thing)  She’s even managed to free stand a lot now and can take a step or two on her own.

On the eating end, she’s taking in more solids and less breastmilk these days.  We’re still giving her 50/50 boobie/formula so she still gets that but she’s definitely eating a lot more solid food.  (and her diapers definitely holds proof of that!)

She’s also sleeping through the nights on her own in her crib now.  No more co-sleeping for us.  She still wakes up once in the middle of the night but is easy to put back down.

Yes, my baby hamster is growing up fast.

Me, well I’ve been preoccupied with several projects I’ve started to keep my mind sharp in terms of designing things, etc.  I also cook a lot more now since eating out isn’t good in the long run for me, Jason and now E.  We have groceries delivered to us every week so I have no excuse about not cooking because we don’t have food.  In fact, a lot of the food I cook also has a side note on how to prepare an infant friendly portion.  So these days, E pretty much eats what we eats.   I’m hoping I can put some of these recipes up on this blog under the food section soon.

I’m also in the process of figuring out what to do once I go back to school and possibly work.  The daycare situation gives me a headache because there just isn’t enough daycare spaces available and sending E to an international preschool seems too expensive an option.  I still have some time to try to figure out what to do…but time is also running out.

Anyway, back to January events…

Jason celebrated his 30th birthday on the 4th (same day as his mom coincidentally).  We didn’t really do anything big since he worked that day.  The 3 of us headed out to Akiba for some kaiten sushi and just to visit the hamsters at the amusement centers and stores.  E ate a plate of tamago-yaki.  I helped her out by eating some of the rice but she pretty much polished off the plate on her own.

On the 15th, E and I met up with several other mom friends and their babies and just hung out with them.  It’s really amazing seeing how much everyone has grown since we last saw them.  I really enjoy their company and I’m pretty sure E will one day appreciate her little friends.

On the 20th, a good friend of mines from high school gave birth to their first daughter, Lily (short for Lilian).  I recently got to see a picture of her online and she is one cute baby!  I hope that one day she and E can become friends too.

And that pretty much brings us up to speed as to the January happenings in our lives.  Not too exciting maybe but for me and Jason, watching E grow from an immobile infant to a lively little toddler has been amazing.  Of course, there are still days where we wish we can just hold her and not have her grow up so fast….

J.