I’m doing something different this year for Valentine’s day. I’m not going to make chocolate sweets since Jason’s doesn’t care much for them. I’m making these instead…

Felt conversation hearts and felt hamster cookies!!

Going to try making a felt cupcake….hope that works out!

Recently, I read this incredible list that was put together by Jen over at Buried with Children. The original source of the list idea was from another blog, Life with Triplets.

Anyway, Jen’s list pretty much hit everything on the dot but with a very humorous side to it. It also got me thinking about the 10 things that I’ve learned over this past year about motherhood that I never knew or had imagined before.

So here is my list of 10 things I never knew until I became a mom (it’s a pretty lengthy read):

1) Cleaning dirty diapers isn’t as bad as I had imagined. My mom has a total gag reflex when it comes to poopy diapers which in turn made me think that I would be the same way. I was prepared to be incredibly grossed out by it and didn’t even want to change E’s dirty diapers the first few weeks. It’s actually not that bad once you get over the fact that it’s just poo. Actually, once you’ve experienced cleaning up an explosive one all by yourself, nothing really fazes you anymore.

2) Toys are nice but time with mommy and daddy is even better. I admit, I am not always the most attentive parent. Neither is Jason. There are times when I let E play on her own for a while so I can get things done and when she cries, I just toss her a new toy to distract her. I buy toys for her because I think that it would make her happier and that she’d want to play on her own more. Then one day, I realized that she doesn’t want more toys. She wants ME. She’d much rather have me play with her than to have all these fancy toys. So these days, I make time for E and we tickle and we giggle and we play dramatic peek-a-boos and we dance.

3) Breastfeeding is not easy. When I was still pregnant, I took a workshop on breastfeeding. I read books about breastfeeding. I was really excited about doing the whole breastfeeding thing because it looked really easy. Seriously, I saw videos of kangaroo care and skin-to-skin right after birth and everything I read and watched made breastfeeding look like a breeze. Then I gave birth and I tried breastfeeding. IT HURT LIKE HECK! I couldn’t get E to latch on properly which then led to her not getting enough food which then led to her being more jaundiced and it all ended with me becoming an emotional wreck because I wasn’t feeding my baby enough. It took a very long time and many weeks of sore, blistered nipples before it finally caught on. Plus, I was really depressed that breastfeeding wasn’t working and I was desperate and unhappy….both things that wasted a lot of precious time I could have spent with E. I really had to convince myself it was for E’s best interest that I hang in there. I’m glad I did but if I have another baby, I’m not going to beat myself up this time if breastfeeding doesn’t work out.

4) Co-sleeping is a blessing and a curse. When we first found out we were having E, Jason and I were pretty sure we weren’t going to do the whole co-sleeping thing because we were both afraid we’d crush E. After she was born, it was just easier to have her in bed with us since she woke up so often to feed. At first it wasn’t too bad because we gave her most of the bed to sleep in. Plus, if she woke up hungry at night, all she had to do was find me and stick the boob in her mouth and she was quiet again. Then she discovered that if she slept with boobie in her mouth all night, she’d get food whenever she wanted. That made it impossible for me to sleep. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and so we decided to make her sleep in her own crib. Yea, that was another fun experience I’d never want to do again.

5) I clean my baby’s face in public the way my mom use to clean mine. Let’s admit it, we all hated it when our mom’s cleaned our faces when we were in public. My mom did it to us when we were in church and it was embarrassing and very annoying. I use to swear that I would never do that to my children because I wouldn’t want to annoy them too. Plus, it was gross because instead of water, my mom would most likely use her own saliva. I’m not that bad, 99% of the time. I carry baby wipes with me at all times and I use that to wipe E’s face because that kid can get all sorts of weird gunk on her face and hands. She hates it when I do it and complains quite vocally as she squirms away from me…..just like how I use to do it to my mom.

6) I miss those days when my baby was still a baby and not a toddler. When E was a tiny baby and I had to hold her all day long, I wished that she was more mobile so that I can leave her on her own more. I wished that she would grow up faster so that Jason would find it fun to play with her and that she can interact with us more. Now that she is mobile and can sort of communicate with us in baby language, I wish that she was back to being that immobile little baby. Life was so much simpler back then when she didn’t squirm around during diaper changes. It’s nice that she can crawl and walk but it was also nice when she could only move in the space that we put her down in. Yes, those were the days…..

7) I actually want to have another baby. Oh, this one will tickle Jason so much. We’ve talked about it many times. I think I’ve always wanted to have 2 kids. Then I had E and in the first few months of her life, I was in such a haze from sleep deprivation that Jason and I both agree that it’s best that we never procreate ever again. Now, a year later, I am starting to have a change of heart. I love E and despite the fact that she was a high maintenance baby, I really enjoyed those times when she’d sleep in my arms and we’d chill together and gossip about things. I still do that with her sometimes but it’s not the same since her attention span is all over the place. This then makes me want to have another baby so I can do it all again….to be able to hold a teeny tiny person in my arms and to be his/her everything again. Oh, I can feel my uterus crying already….

8) Being a mom is a highly under-appreciated “job”. My mom and I have an odd relationship. I’m not sure how to define it and I don’t really want to do it right now. One thing for sure is that I’ve never really understood the hardships that she went through raising us. I use to never understand why she wanted us to help her out with chores and why she can’t do it all because she is “mom”…she should be able to do it all. Then I had E and I understood. I finally understood how much work it must have been for my mom (and my dad) to raise us. It’s not easy…AND they had 3 kids. There’s no such thing as sick days or vacation time when you’re a mom. It’s a full-on, 24 hour job and you can’t really take a break (well you sort of can if you have babysitters). No matter what happens, at the end of the day, the job of “mom” is still there. Once you become “mom”, you can’t undo it until the day you pass on to the next life. You can’t change that job like you do with regular work. Plus, you don’t get any overtime or health insurance….but you do get a lot of smiles and hugs and hopefully kids who will care for you when you’re old. Oh, and mom, thank you for being my mom all these years.

9) I never knew that I can love a little person so much. I’m not a baby person. Ask anyone in my family and they will all tell you that I’m not a baby person. In fact, I was hesitant about having E when I first found out I was pregnant. I was worried about losing the lifestyle that I had grown accustomed to. Plus, the thought of having to clean and care for someone other than me and Jason didn’t sound that fun. Then I gave birth and the moment I held her in my arms, I just knew that I loved her and that love continues to grow everyday. These days, the thought of losing her and not having her in my life tears me up inside. I’m pretty sure that I would fall to pieces if she is taken away from me. It’s hard to say these days who I love more: Jason or E. It’s a pretty close race. I love them both differently and very strongly. One thing for sure is that I don’t think I can live without either of them.

10) I actually enjoy being a mom. This one is a big one for me. I’ve already mentioned how I’m not a baby person. Before E, I actually played with the idea of never having kids because Jason and I just didn’t want to go through the hassle of raising one. My feelings have completely changed these days. I love E so much it’s crazy. I can’t even remember what life was like before we had her. Everything that had happened in my life before E came into our lives is insignificant (well almost….I still love you, Jason!) because I love being her mom and I love being with her all the time. Probably why it’s hard for me to imagine having to put her into daycare and going back to school and work.

So there you have it! My list of 10 things I didn’t know until I became a mom….and the lengthy comment for each one.

How about you? What is your top 10?

Are my eyes playing tricks on me or is that a toddler you see?

Wha….who….HOW….WHEN?!

With just one more month left before she officially turns one, Ellie is looking and acting more and more like a toddler. My little baby who, not too long ago, couldn’t even sit up on her own or crawl is now a cruising/walking little person who can feed herself bread.

It really feels like she just grew up overnight.

There are days I feel like time couldn’t move any slower and I wish she could do more on her own. Then there are days where I’d watch her as she independently plays on the floor and I wish, just for a moment, that she’d stay just the way she is and never grow up.

I’ve been told that the first year of a baby’s life goes by really quickly and that they change and they grow so much in that first year. They cannot be any more right about that. I spent every waking moment with E so the change is very subtle but now, even I can’t deny the fact that she has grown tremendously.

I can’t believe that we survived each other for a whole year. There will be many more years of interesting moments and experiences as she continues to grow up. I’m not quite sure I’m ready for those yet…

I’m going to miss her being a baby…

Lately, I’ve been working on getting back into my own photography now that E is more independent.  Of course, I can’t seem to get back into photographing like I use to.  Maybe it’s just from the lack of practice or because I can’t seem to focus on taking pictures of anything else other than E these days.

Anyway, I found a blog carnival that sounds interesting so I decided to join in on this weeks challenge.  It’s hosted over at I Should Be Folding Laundry and the theme this week is “Faces”, something I have plenty of (all of E of course.)

And a B&W one just because I haven’t done one in a while.

My child is beautiful, isn’t she?

1 more month and she’ll be one!  I can’t believe it’s going by so fast!

Go check out other people’s photos or put up your own link over at Beth’s blog.

I love snow.

I’m sure that I wouldn’t be as in love with it if I had to live in a place that snows a lot everyday. I’m also pretty sure that I would not like being outside if there was snow everywhere.

Good thing I don’t live in snow country then. It allows me to enjoy the little bit of snow when it does come.

Monday night, it snowed in Tokyo. It wasn’t even a small pitiful amount. It was a full on heavy snowfall. There was enough snow that it didn’t immediately melt as soon as it touched the ground.

I’m glad that I got to see this year’s snowfall before we head back to California for a few weeks.  It would have been sad if I missed this year’s one day of snowfall.

Now, if only it snowed during the daytime when E is awake.  I’d love for her to see her first snowfall.

Going to try putting 3 different updates in this post…

There’s a link to each one that you can click on to view.
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Korean style beef stirfry

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Ring in the new year!

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One day, she’ll get us back for this

The story…